“Just focus on the good.”
“Don’t let it get to you.”
“Remember, this won’t matter in 100 years.”

Cool. Helpful. Thanks for the bumper sticker advice, Diane.

Here’s the thing…it does matter right now. That email that completely undermined your work? That text from a family member that pushed every emotional button you’ve got like it’s a Vegas slot machine? That moment in traffic when someone honks because you dared to pause one extra second at the green light? It matters. Not forever…maybe not even tomorrow. But today? It hits.

And pretending it doesn’t…doesn’t make it not real.

That’s the trap. This weird new-age, Instagram-coated pressure to be relentlessly positive. Say your affirmations. Center your chakras. Breathe in gratitude, breathe out rage. Sure…some of that stuff can help, but not when it’s used to emotionally bypass reality. And certainly not when it starts convincing you that you’re the problem just because you’re having a human reaction to something…inconvenient.

So let’s start with what NOT to do (and yes, I’m still guilty of doing all of these):

  • Don’t gaslight yourself with “it’s not a big deal.” It was. That’s why you’re still thinking about it. Acknowledge it. Give it 90 seconds of honest, real attention. (That’s usually all it takes for the physiological wave to pass).
  • Don’t call yourself “too sensitive” or “too negative” or “someone who sweats the small stuff.” That’s not what is happening. You’re reacting to the constant mental ping-pong (tennis…pickleball…pick your favorite) match that is living in the modern world. You’re ALLOWED to be pissed off. You’re ALLOWED to feel overwhelmed.
  • Don’t try to “fix your mindset” when what you really need is a nap, a snack, or just to scream into your steering wheel for thirty seconds in a Walgreens parking lot. (Just me? Doubt it.)

Okay, so what can you do in those moments?

  • Pick something to touch. (No, not the throat of the person that sent the email.) It can be anything…a pen. A rock (unless you’re gonna throw it, then maybe not a rock). Your pant leg. Something physical. Focus on it for 10 seconds. It’s texture. Temperature. Weight. All the different aspects of it and how it feels. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s fast, grounding, and it’s quiet enough to do in a meeting without looking like a weirdo.
  • Shift the spotlight. In those moments of feeling judged or misunderstood, imagine the person in front of you with a thought bubble over their head that says “I’m trying my best and I’m afraid of failing.” Because they are. Hell, we all are. This will help pull you out of “Why do they hate me?” and steer toward “oh right, they’re also human.”
  • Move something…anything. You don’t need a gym membership or a 45-minute workout. Roll your shoulders. Tap your foot. Walk a circle around the kitchen. Just move. Movement disrupts mental gridlock and it tells your brain “we’re not stuck…we’re still moving.”
  • Give it a name. Not the person (tempting). The feeling. Say it to yourself like you’re narrating a documentary. (In my best David Attenborough) “Ah yes, here we have a classic case of misdirected resentment, likely stemming from childhood rejection.” Sounds ridiculous, but naming things (or having David do it) gives you distance and distance gives you perspective.
  • Decide where it ends. Literally set a time limit. “I’m going to let myself be pissed off about this until 7pm, then I’m putting on a show and eating ice cream.” This gives your brain a container. Not forever. Not denial. Just structure.

Look, I’m not here to preach about “choosing joy” or “vibrational frequencies” or whatever else people are hashtagging lately. I’m just here to say I know this shit is hard. It’s really hard sometimes and pretending it’s not doesn’t make you stronger…it just makes you feel lonelier when your “positive affirmations” don’t work.

We’re not robots. We’re not above it all, and we’re not “too evolved” to be bother by dumb shit. BUT…we can stop letting all the dumb shit turn into a full-blown existential identity crisis.

You are not the thoughts you’re having on your worst day. You’re just a human trying not to fall apart while someone from accounting passive-aggressively cc’s your boss.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be honest.